Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The girl who sat behind me in second grade and cheated off of my test was originally from Ohio and she ended up getting a better grade than me.

And the truth comes out.

I have held a grudge on Ohio's poor upbringing of this young girl ever since. NEVER FORGIVEN!

This is really the only reason I won't make a blog about Ohio.

Stupid Geography.

Ohio state symbols make me puke

I mean, seriously. Look at these Ohio state symbols:
  • State Beverage: Tomato Juice Wow, Ohio. What, you fall into a skunk gang? Right?
  • State Motto: With God all things are possible Yeah, except separating Him from your state.
  • State Reptile: Black Racer Snake Racist, Ohio... just racist.
  • State Capital: Columbus Even more racist, Ohio.
  • State Song: Beautiful Ohio Wow... real humble of you. This is like John Malkovich saying his favorite movie is Being John Malkovich. Ego ego ego just don't quit Ohio.
  • State Animal: White Tailed Deer Reverse racist, Ohio.
Wow... the reasons keep adding up. Ohio, you just can't catch a break here.

Ohio has too many bread products

Have you been there? Because you walk through their grocery store and you would think that the residents of Ohio are MADE of bread. That shit is everywhere! Bread in this aisle, baguettes in this aisle, pita in this aisle, rolls in this aisle!

Ohio, let me put it to you simply: Your bread to human ratio is far too large. You want to be treated like a legit state Ohio? Lose some of that bread.

If there's one thing I love it's bread. If there's one thing I hate in excess however, it's bread. And if there's one state that I hate it's Ohio. Ergo, Ohio has an excess of bread.

Deal with it. Your bread means no blog for you.

Ohio is a cocky asshole

I have plenty of reasons to not want to give Ohio the attention it thinks it deserves, but probably it can all be summed up by the fact that the State of Ohio is a cocky asshole. Want proof? Fine. Look at this flag:

That is a picture of their flag inside the outline of the state. It has two nice little points and a strange angle. Apparently Ohio is too good to have a nice four sided shape... yeah, apparently Ohio thinks it gets, nay, deserves a sort of Pentagon for it's flag. Because it's just like that.

Also, Ohio thinks it can rearrange the United States flag?! I DON'T THINK SO! NOT ON THIS TURF! Ohio is like that football player in high school who shows off by dancing in the endzone only when he does anything. Just a cocky asshole.

Bear in mind, the residents of Ohio are not cocky assholes, just the stupid cocky state.

Eat it Ohio.